Let me just say in advance that this is going to be a whiny post... Feel free to look away.
K and I have been trying to get pregnant each cycle since October, and I just haven't felt like saying anything about it. Really "trying" for us includes using ovulation predictor kits, traditional Chinese herbs, acupuncture, and timing sex. I at first didn't say anything because I know it can take a while for us, getting pregnant doesn't mean I'll stay pregnant, and I was going into this with a good attitude - unhappiness with not getting pregnant was not going to take over my life. But, frankly, I can feel the unhappiness starting to creep. It is different than last time - having a live child means that, as of now, the sense of desperation is not there - but the unhappiness with not getting pregnant is starting to become an undercurrent.
Part of me feels like it should be easier... I've had a live baby, damn it, I should be able to produce another. Part of me is frustrated because my options are limited...Because of my endometriosis, I can't use Clomid or the other systemic drugs - it makes the endo alot worse, making it that much harder to get pregnant. I'm pretty sure that that is what the RE is going to offer if I go back to him, and I am not sure if he would even consider injectables (which talk more directly to the ovaries than Clomid). The only thing that worked with M is what we are doing now....which doesn't seem to be working this time.
I'm currently on cycle day 26, 10 days post ovulation. My period has not started yet (it is expected around Wed - I seem to have a 27 day cycle now), but this cycle feels mostly over. The thought of more waiting makes me tired - period starts, two weeks until ovulation, two-ish weeks before it all starts again, ad infinitum.
Blech.
3 comments:
Just remember, with Maeve, just when the total frustration came to a peak, you saw the doctor, made the next appointment and boom! Doesn't mean it will happen again, but it could! I'm a believer...you probably think I'm just Pollyanna...but still...it will happen and it will be worth the wait, just like before. I tried one time and got you, but I tried for a year and a half with Jen, so on one level I can understand. I wish it were easier for you but don't give up! Love you!
There's not much I can say, since I really haven't had any similar experiences. I will say though, your mental state is just as important as your physical state. Don't let yourself give into the negativity! If you feel yourself start to slip, come to us. We'll be your cheerleaders and help to encourage you again. We're here for you, and we'll do anything we can to help.
Maybe me, you and Stephanie need to go out and do something fun - with or without our children. Maybe we can get the three guys together for a play date and we can go do something fun...like a movie or something. ;)
Love you and keep positive!
Yeah we need to go out without the kids. Now my thoughts, since October is not that long (no fun I know but only 5 months). It took us 6 months with Emily thought we didn't do all that you are. Maybe your kids are just meant to be 4.5 years apart like mine . I'm sorry your sad though thanks to Em I now know that it totally sucks to want to be pregnant and not be. Hang in there.
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