Heinie in gear

So, after stewing and worrying and ignoring, I've finally taken hold of several areas in my life, dealing with them in one fell swoop. In the last week and a half, I have:

- Set up a new, 2009 Excel sheet with all of our bills, dated and grouped corresponding to our paychecks (I'm monthly and, thank God, K is biweekly);

- shared that spreadsheet with K, shocking him and spurring him to finally (FINALLY) consolidate his student loans;

- made appts with our family practice dr for K and M;

- cleaned off my desk at work, getting rid of two large piles of stuff and paring down my millions of post it notes to the seven that I actually need;

- and, most importantly for this blog, stopped feeling hopeless about the baby situation and made the call to see a new RE at UNC.

I had lunch with my college roommate who, eventhough we don't live that far apart, I haven't seen in at least 2 years. She has had a much rockier infertility journey than I have but, happily, she will be having a son in June via gestational surrogacy. She had some words of wisdom and a good (new) perspective on the the local REs and different procedures. She also has endo and has had crappy experiences on the Dreaded Clo, and has also used injectibles with a much reduced side-effect profile. She's been through IUI as well as IVF, so she was able to give me the low down. We had lunch for 2.5 hrs and could have sat there longer if we hadn't had to get back to work. Talking with her helped me get my heinie in gear and make the call to see a different RE.

Dr. Twitchy (the RE that monitored me through my pregnancy with M) is the head of the department at the university and quite smart, but I feel like he has already given me his opinion - Clomid - and he won't discuss things like progesterone supplementation and injectables with IUI. The new RE I'm going to see is someone I actually know from my MPH program - though we didn't know each other so well that it will be strange (I hope). Let's call her Dr. S (I can't think of an adjective right now). I'm not looking for Dr. S to agree to give me progesterone or do injectibles with IUI, I just want to have a discussion about why or why not they would or wouldn't be effective or risky or whatever. I have a feeling she'll be more open to actual dialogue than Dr. Twitchy.

Usually when I've been trying this many months in a row, I get pregnant, I just don't stay pregnant... Since I haven't even gotten pregnant, K has agreed that he should be tested again since it has been 5 years since he has had a semen analysis... If it isn't ok, it is better to know that before we start going down any high-tech or high-cost paths. I'm sure he'd be super excited to know that I'm talking about this on my blog... I'll keep you posted ;)

I've got an appointment with Dr. S for Monday, March 9th, which will be cycle day 26 for those of you following at home. This was her first available, but it actually works out to be pretty good timing because we get a chance to have one last month trying with the acupuncture/herbs/timed sex, I should be enough days post ovulation to know whether or not this cycle worked, and, if it didn't, I can set up blood draws, etc for the next cycle. I've also got some time to re-research injectibles, IUI, progesterone supplementation, etc, so at least I know what I want to ask about and the latest research.

K is shaving his head to raise money to benefit childhood cancer research and education through the St. Baldrick's Foundation, so I will definately update before the appointment, but I will be sure to update after the appointment, as well. Click HERE if you would like to sponsor K.

Well played Salma Hayek, well played...

Salma Hayek, on a recent trip to Sierra Leone to highlight the Pampers/UNICEF one pack = one vaccine initiative that focuses on neonatal tetnus prevention, came across a sick infant who needed breastmilk... so she fed him. Cause that's what moms do.

Frustrated

Let me just say in advance that this is going to be a whiny post... Feel free to look away.

K and I have been trying to get pregnant each cycle since October, and I just haven't felt like saying anything about it. Really "trying" for us includes using ovulation predictor kits, traditional Chinese herbs, acupuncture, and timing sex. I at first didn't say anything because I know it can take a while for us, getting pregnant doesn't mean I'll stay pregnant, and I was going into this with a good attitude - unhappiness with not getting pregnant was not going to take over my life. But, frankly, I can feel the unhappiness starting to creep. It is different than last time - having a live child means that, as of now, the sense of desperation is not there - but the unhappiness with not getting pregnant is starting to become an undercurrent.

Part of me feels like it should be easier... I've had a live baby, damn it, I should be able to produce another. Part of me is frustrated because my options are limited...Because of my endometriosis, I can't use Clomid or the other systemic drugs - it makes the endo alot worse, making it that much harder to get pregnant. I'm pretty sure that that is what the RE is going to offer if I go back to him, and I am not sure if he would even consider injectables (which talk more directly to the ovaries than Clomid). The only thing that worked with M is what we are doing now....which doesn't seem to be working this time.

I'm currently on cycle day 26, 10 days post ovulation. My period has not started yet (it is expected around Wed - I seem to have a 27 day cycle now), but this cycle feels mostly over. The thought of more waiting makes me tired - period starts, two weeks until ovulation, two-ish weeks before it all starts again, ad infinitum.

Blech.